Journal: April 4, 2021

Be careful what you ask for. It’s been a little over a week since my second brain spotting therapy.  I’ve had flashbacks and more dissociation than normal.  The extra dissociation has affected my ability to focus making it difficult to be stay on task and be efficient at work. The dust from the flashbacks haveContinue reading “Journal: April 4, 2021”

Journal: March 29, 2021

We’ve had our second brain spotting session.  It was a very different experience. During a previous therapy session with our therapist, we were asked if we could see the beauty in the toddler that we were.  We couldn’t.  I tried to work with the therapist’s request in meditation and experienced unexpected difficulties.  I chose toContinue reading “Journal: March 29, 2021”

Journal: March 12, 2021

Brainspotting was a very positive experience for us yesterday.  The Brainspotting therapist talked briefly with us at the beginning of our session.  We started Brainspotting by closing our eyes and grounding.  Then the therapist asked us to open our eyes and allow our eyes to look around the room until they found a place ourContinue reading “Journal: March 12, 2021”

Journal: January 30, 2021

The uncertainty over my job has resolved itself.  An ADA is in place stating that the Topiramate caused cognitive disfunction.  I go back to work and living a graveyard schedule next Tuesday.  The depression has broken up into a mist of yesterday and I’ve gone back to doing portraits.  A success in it itself, butContinue reading “Journal: January 30, 2021”

Journal: January 19, 2021

Depression has been worsening.  It takes a lot of energy to get up from the couch.  Boredom is palpable, pressing me down into the space that I sit.  All the things that there is to do I’ve done before and there is no urge to do them again.  Inertia. I’m reminded of a piece ofContinue reading “Journal: January 19, 2021”

Journal: December 31, 2020

I’ve lost momentum on the portraits – a complete stop.  I’m depressed.  The husband has been mean and shouty to us for the last two days.  I sit here and stare at nothing at all while my brain just grinds over and over disjointed thoughts.  Half-hearted motivations to do something anything.  Frequently something, anything isContinue reading “Journal: December 31, 2020”

Journal: December 27, 2020

The Christmas holiday is over.  It’s been a year since the flashbacks led to awareness of the trauma I survived as a three-year-old at Christmas. This holiday season was much easier, more peaceful.  No more revelations.   Christmas music wasn’t a trigger this year.  A huge breath of relief and a prayer of thanks has beenContinue reading “Journal: December 27, 2020”

Journal: December 14, 2020

I’ve begun therapy again.  And, as usual, therapy asks for a journal to be kept.  Not that I begrudge the journal it’s a good practice.  Just that we’ve fallen out of the habit. Feeling a bit tongue tied at the moment.  Or rather trying to sort the message from the chorus of words in myContinue reading “Journal: December 14, 2020”

Dissociation Anecdotes

Recently: I was settled in for one of my first neurofeedback sessions.  Although the session involves watching a video or tv show, my preference at the time was YouTube meditations.  My eyes were blinking, the images I saw in front of me were not what I saw previously.  I had a sinking feeling – IContinue reading “Dissociation Anecdotes”