Journal: March 29, 2021

We’ve had our second brain spotting session.  It was a very different experience. During a previous therapy session with our therapist, we were asked if we could see the beauty in the toddler that we were.  We couldn’t.  I tried to work with the therapist’s request in meditation and experienced unexpected difficulties.  I chose toContinue reading “Journal: March 29, 2021”

Journal: March 5, 2021

Being back to work is great, but the schedule doesn’t leave a lot of time for journaling.  I’ve had a couple journal threads composing in my head.   Of course by the time I sit down at the computer I don’t remember them. The portraits are coming along nicely.  I’m ready to start the astrology portraitContinue reading “Journal: March 5, 2021”

Journal: February 6, 2021

I’m reading “Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook”, by Deborah Bray Haddock.  I like it because it is an easy read, written in such a way that the average reader is engaged and comprehending.  I’ve gotten to a section of the book where she is discussing how DID is not just something awful that we’ve survived, butContinue reading “Journal: February 6, 2021”

Journal: January 30, 2021

The uncertainty over my job has resolved itself.  An ADA is in place stating that the Topiramate caused cognitive disfunction.  I go back to work and living a graveyard schedule next Tuesday.  The depression has broken up into a mist of yesterday and I’ve gone back to doing portraits.  A success in it itself, butContinue reading “Journal: January 30, 2021”

Journal: January 19, 2021

Depression has been worsening.  It takes a lot of energy to get up from the couch.  Boredom is palpable, pressing me down into the space that I sit.  All the things that there is to do I’ve done before and there is no urge to do them again.  Inertia. I’m reminded of a piece ofContinue reading “Journal: January 19, 2021”

Journal: December 31, 2020

I’ve lost momentum on the portraits – a complete stop.  I’m depressed.  The husband has been mean and shouty to us for the last two days.  I sit here and stare at nothing at all while my brain just grinds over and over disjointed thoughts.  Half-hearted motivations to do something anything.  Frequently something, anything isContinue reading “Journal: December 31, 2020”

Journal: December 27, 2020

The Christmas holiday is over.  It’s been a year since the flashbacks led to awareness of the trauma I survived as a three-year-old at Christmas. This holiday season was much easier, more peaceful.  No more revelations.   Christmas music wasn’t a trigger this year.  A huge breath of relief and a prayer of thanks has beenContinue reading “Journal: December 27, 2020”

Journal: December 24, 2020

What’s my name is a tricky question.  Frequently the answer depends on where I’m at and who I’m with.  In other blog posts on Lark In The Dark I’ve referred to a group of us named ‘the ones who work’.  Where we work requires the use of a handheld radio.  When we started our currentContinue reading “Journal: December 24, 2020”

Journal: December 14, 2020

I’ve begun therapy again.  And, as usual, therapy asks for a journal to be kept.  Not that I begrudge the journal it’s a good practice.  Just that we’ve fallen out of the habit. Feeling a bit tongue tied at the moment.  Or rather trying to sort the message from the chorus of words in myContinue reading “Journal: December 14, 2020”

February 2020

The morning had a rocky start.  The husband was in a bad mood that morning and was aggressively unpleasant when he took me to work. When I got to work I felt stressed and disoriented.  Things at work required focus and problem solving.  I wasn’t up for it.  My anxiety levels were so high IContinue reading “February 2020”