Journal: December 4, 2021

At our therapy appointment this week we talked about Christmas and how it has triggered us in the past.  We have been observing, waiting to see if we would have the same problems this Christmas as we have had in Christmas past.  We haven’t had any difficulties with triggering, just a loathing for Christmas.  We decided to Brain Spot that.

This led towards an adolescent coming forward, very vocal about hating Christmas.  Christmas is just one big lie with a lot of obligations, things you have to do to keep peace in the world we live in.  Have to buy things, even though nobody has a need for them.  Have to go places and be with people.  Have to decorate.  Have to put up with Christmas music.  People talk about the point of Christmas being peace on earth and goodwill to man.  We do that all year, why do we have to have a holiday for that?

At some point a young one came forward, Gussie Mae (the three year old).  She talked about how she felt that things were all her fault.  This lead to conversation about how being raped was not her fault.  Towards the end of our appointment, the Administrator conveyed that the ‘fault’ that Gussie Mae was talking about was the ‘fault of being broken the way we are, multiplicity’.  We didn’t get to talk about that ‘fault’ at this point because it was time to close down the session.

Conversation drifted back towards Christmas and the loathing of Christmas.  A new part came forward.  I am Lois.  I am 20, blond, petite and curvy, and love everything about Christmas.  I’d love to decorate and sing Christmas carols.  I love being with people and baking.  And wrapping presents – it’s meditative.  Essentially, I am the opposite of the majority of us. 

Published by larkinthedark

In the 1990's I was diagnosed with Fractured Personality Disorder. I successfully integrated. Earlier this year (2019) a series of events have me dealing with dissociated states again. Fractured Personality Disorder is now called Dissociative Identity Disorder.

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