The week after the Christmas party a co-worker, moved by the Christmas spirit, begins to sing a Bing Crosby Christmas carol. The flashbacks begin. This was one of the songs the radio played the night we were raped by the family friend. The family friend would sing to me when the bad things happened. IContinue reading “A Breath At A Time”
Yesterday I was at work. It was a stressful day with lots of unplanned out of my control events. Adding to the stress was the knowledge that the company Christmas party was that evening. I hate Christmas and I hate Christmas parties. To be fair, I hate most parties. I am always anxious and allContinue reading “My First Experience with a Child Aspect”
We felt very alone in our DID. A couple weeks ago it occurred to us to search for groups on Facebook that deal with dissociative disorders. I found them fairly easily and joined a group.
This protocol was designed to address the dissociation issues that arose during the second protocol. Dissociation is the brain’s coping mechanism to protect a person experiencing something traumatic. It is a survival mechanism. The first time dissociation happens it is a response to an actual threat of some kind – physical, emotional, mental, or sexualContinue reading “Neurofeedback – Third Protocol”
The purpose of neurofeedback is to teach the brain to regulate itself. What is the brain learning to regulate? That is complicated to explain because the brain does more than one job.
The second neurofeedback protocol focused on the trauma center of my brain. Very quickly, things started to go crazy at home. My husband and I began to have truly ugly fights. Prior to the second protocol we’d disagree and talk it out; at most extreme we might have argued without name calling or profanity. AfterContinue reading “Neurofeedback: Second Protocol”
This document gets updated as I learn more about the aspects, I am guessing that there are around 20 of them. I once believed that the Aspects were individuals and had no interaction. During the early neurofeedback sessions it became apparent that ‘The Angry One’ agreed to work with the Administrator, the Observer, and ‘GoContinue reading “Aspects”
Recently: I was settled in for one of my first neurofeedback sessions. Although the session involves watching a video or tv show, my preference at the time was YouTube meditations. My eyes were blinking, the images I saw in front of me were not what I saw previously. I had a sinking feeling – IContinue reading “Dissociation Anecdotes”
I began to have severe short-term memory problems. I went to see the doctor concerned that I had some kind of brain disease. Imaging showed a physiologically perfect brain. This was a good news/bad news result. I don’t have brain disease (good news). The cause of the short-term memory problems was unknown (bad news).
I had married a military man and had moved away from Colorado to Alaska. I was in the midst of an identity crises – literally. My first marriage was in its death throes and I was … empty. I had no sense of identity and was suicidal, again. I went to see a psychologist. IContinue reading “In The Beginning”