In The Beginning

I had married a military man and had moved away from Colorado to Alaska.   I was in the midst of an identity crises – literally.   My first marriage was in its death throes and I was …  empty. I had no sense of identity and was suicidal, again.  I went to see a psychologist.  I had had a couple of appointments with her when she gave me a standardized test.  The results arrived and she wouldn’t tell me what the results were, but she did tell she couldn’t see me anymore. Essentially, I was fired by my shrink.  I took the rejection hard.  The psychologist did give me a couple of names and numbers for a doctor she felt more appropriate for the help I needed.

I eventually found a psychologist who would accept me as a patient.   She gave me the same standardized test and began hypnosis therapy.  The results of the standardized test was a label – I was diagnosed with Fractured Personality Disorder.  A couple weeks later the divorce process started.  Therapy ended when the insurance ran out.

Just before I separated from my ex-husband, I went into a metaphysical store for the first time.  I looked around at the books, tarot cards, and what not.  I had a conversation with a woman who invited me to a talk hosted by some druids in an attempt to organize the pagan community.  I asked her years later why she invited me.  Her answer ‘I had never met anyone who looked so lost’. This woman became one of my dearest mentors who was mother, sister, and friend.    She was a Crone of an esoteric hermetic coven. Under her and through the coven, which became my new family, I eventually became a High Priestess in my own right. 

The esoteric hermetic coven  approach to magick is intellectual.  First Degree is about personal growth, understanding and establishing your identity.  Second Degree is about spiritual growth with a focus on understanding and mastering your emotions.  Third Degree (High Priesthood) is about spiritual mastery.

As an esoteric hermetic witch I was able to integrate my fractured personality and craft a beautiful fulfilling life that I was very proud of.  How did I do this?

The First Degree personal growth studies were self-love, self-worth, self-esteem, trust, responsibility, self-awareness, forgiveness (beginning with self), martyrhood/self-pity, and negative ego.  The Second Degree studies on the emotions included love, joy, anger, healing hurt, shame, forgiveness, martyrhood, and negative ego.

Aspects of Self

It was powerful to learn that all people have aspects of self.  Aspects of self include the pre-verbal child, the child attached to mother (up to age 5 who learned lessons of self-love and self-worth), the child attached to father (up to age 7 who learned how to earn love [self-esteem] ), the adolescent, young adult, adult, critical parent, martyr, and ego.

The pivotal topic for me in my personal growth studies as it relates to integrating fractured personalities was that it didn’t matter who was on the computer, I (whoever ‘I’ is) am responsible for my action or inaction.  Along with that responsibility comes freedom.

Additionally, the material on shame (pre-verbal, child, adolescent, young adult, and adult) was the raw material for understanding not only what shame is and is not, but for me personally how a childhood of emotional and verbal abuse led to the diagnoses of fractured personalities.  Healing shame and hurt enabled me to craft an identity and a fulfilling life.

I completed my Third Degree studies and earned my title of High Priestess.   I learned the Tarot and began to do tarot readings first as a personal growth tool and then for clients.  I learned Reiki and earned my Mastery in Reiki and Sekhem-Seikem-Reiki.  I began learning about Ascended Masters and Angels. 

Seventeen years after moving to Alaska I became aware that it was time to move back to the Lower 48 (continental United States).  I was in Virginia Beach for a while, went back to Alaska, and then re-located back to Colorado.